I haven't blogged in a while..and for what reasons? I guess, recently, I've been in a bitter state of mind. I mean, not the kind of bitterness where I "hate the world" kinda thing. But more like to a point where I'm to impatient to listen, or to care. I don't really like to blog when Im angry because my blog will end up to be a vent or some kinda stupid blog, so I wait until I calm down. Still..
I cant wait to graduate.
My mood was definitely altered this past weekend. On friday we went grad dress shopping for the 'late ones'. We were hella hyper on the way to the shops, but once we finished shopping we were all pretty dead. Abbey, Amanda, and I went downtown to watch seventeen again. Abbey and I were sorta looking out for any quest members since they were there that day!! but we never found them. Seventeen again is soo GOOD!!, I wouldnt mind going to watch it again. But yeah that day was pretty chill.
All my
bitterness left as I was on the computer on Sunday. I checked out some of ryanimay's poetry again, and one poem took me out completely out of my mood.
A sleepwalk to the sink . A moment left to think . To say .
My only chance of wake-up drink to save me for today .
But it's no water less than words that I would need .
Thank you to the truth in the mirror . And what you say to me.
I've spent an hour face to face with you .
Finding ways to chase your moves . I hate with you .
You always know my secret . And why I keep it .
Killing clock to make myself a spectacle . Yet you can tell .
Hope is placed so they won't read your face . And ask you why or what .
Instead they seem to ask you how or who or where to get that stuff .
Apologize to me for understanding what you see .
Thank you to the truth in the mirror . And what you say to me.
Easily shattered . Easily dropped . Invincible you are not .
Disguised so mistakenly . I'd take you and break you .
Your weakness is evident . Vengeance divine is mine . Heaven sent .
If you dare stare at me silently . Cross my eyes out violently . You rise .
Attempting to break me with only your gaze . Such truth in your ways .
I shatter inside . Facade exposed . You and I know how long I've tried .
To hide away the pain from you . The draining of life inside . Slain .
Everytime I'm on my way to find you . I hope I'll see you . Retrieve you .
Deceive you .
And still you speak the t r u t h for me to believe you . I don't need to .
Hidden behind my mind I need you .
To show me who I am
today .
To show me that I'm
still the
same . That I haven't changed .
Yet I've slowly become a man who
hates the sight of me .
Forgive me for my insolence in future tense . I'll have no sense .
I will prevent you from fleeing intact . I swear you'll crack . I will .
Destroy you for the sake of me . Now break for me .
Shatter . Scatter . Enemy .
Adore the days you once
reflected me . Affected me .
When it was
you I'd see .
Rejecting me .
We're always meant to be . It's only
you I'll see .
But here l i e s broken glass in loving memory .
Thank you to the truth in the mirror . And what you say to me.
Everytime you die you're never
truly dead to
me .
.ryanimay
I was sitting in bitterness for stupid reasons, reasons that weren't even my problem. Reasons that I could have dealt with better than how I did. And realization and
contentment came with this sudden rush of emotion. Being Content with where I am as a person now, Being content with my plans ahead of me, realizing my contentment with the people I
choose to surround myself with. Not the same choice as picking my friends, but choice as to who I want to tell my secrets to, and the people I completely trust. ( I never doubted my group of friends, just trying to get the message across) MUUCH LOOVE, ryanimay. The wonders one poem can do amazes me, who would have known that I would be so captivated by poetry..
love forever,
zenia.
p.s was randomly looking at houses in cali, getting closer and closer to my dream!
1 Comments
1 Comments:
(L) thank you for this